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 Subject: Hope is our four-letter word [jay/18+ HP AU]

PostPosted: May 8th, 2017, 11:02 pm 

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James and Lily were dead, and Harry was missing. Remus was still in the stage of shock that included suspended disbelief. When someone had apparated into the middle of his flat and told him the news, then disappeared before he could even answer, he'd initially thought he'd misheard. Then rationality had kicked in for a moment, since there was no way he would have mistaken something of that importance. And then had come the temper tantrum of a sort, resulting in a wall that still had some fist marks in it. How could Sirius have ever done that to him? Remus had trusted him, loved him, even...

And Sirius had murdered two of their best friends. Supposedly Peter had gone missing as well, though he wasn't sure if that was just rumour or not. It wasn't like there had been time for a Q&A session with whoever had popped by. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure who that had been. Weasley, maybe? Not a wizard with Dark leanings, he knew that. Those types would all be going into hiding or something now. Which was a bright side to it all, he supposed, but he would honestly rather have his friends alive and a battle with black magic still looming.

He still wasn't sure how he felt about the rest of it. It was all black and white, honestly, but he was just... stunned. All of it had happened so fast and there had hardly been appropriate delivery of the news. Under no stretch of the imagination had he come close to dealing with any of it yet. Mostly he was worried about Harry, since there had been no news regarding his status. Both parents dead, that was confirmed, but what about the boy himself? Evidently there had been no body found but also no evidence that he'd died. So what did that mean? Did Voldemort's followers have hold of the boy somehow? It made him furious that people were more concerned about the death of a man than the life of a boy but there was hardly anything he could do about that.

Someone banged on his front door suddenly and loudly enough to make him jump. He swore under his breath, setting his cup of tea down a little too fast to avoid dropping it somehow. Who on earth could that be? If it weren't for the chance that it could be something related to Harry, he probably would have ignored it, but chances were he was the boy's guardian. Parents dead and godfather a crazy murderer. Werewolf wasn't much better but at least Harry wouldn't be in any danger until the next full moon three weeks from now.

"You," he growled when he saw Sirius at the door. "How dare you? How could you? Lily and James were our best friends and you betrayed them to their deaths! Did you kill Peter when you were done with them? Here to kill me too? Go ahead, Sirius, go a-fucking-head and do it. We trusted you. I loved you." He'd drawn his wand at some point during his rant, but hadn't used it, too angry to give any blow that wasn't purely physical in nature. And too hurt to really think solidly, really.



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PostPosted: May 9th, 2017, 9:59 pm 

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He would have ran after Peter. He was ready to kill him rather than bring him in for an arrest. His family was dead. James and Lily were dead. They were betrayed by someone who they had trusted for years. Who could have been the godfather to their second child. Sirius was furious, destroyed. The war was chipping away the carefree pieces he had left. War tore everything apart; even friendships apparently.

But at the end of the day, James had made him godfather. And that went above everything else now that James was gone and Harry had no one else. He didn't think for one second that he would be given to Remus. For all his talk, Dumbledore had urged against even having him as a secret keeper.

Instead of going to Peter's, Sirius went to Godric's Hollow.

He had never cared for the place. It was too small, where everyone knew everyone's business, but arriving at the house, he had never thought he'd hate it. Until now. He knew it was Potter property, one of the more quaint ones, but just the sight of it sent bile up his throat.

He managed to get inside and to the stairs before he threw up, pausing at the landing and staring at his brother's body. He barely noticed he was crying as he moved him, as gently as possible, so he could pass through. His ears had been ringing since he got the news but he finally tuned in to the familiar sound of Harry crying. Quickening up his steps, Sirius barged into his godson's room.

Squeezing the door handle, he closed his eyes at the sight of Lily's body. He let out a deep breath and focused on Harry, who immediately sat up at the sight of him.

"Pa'oot!" He yelled, waving his arms to be picked up, still crying. "Mama mama mama mama-"

Sirius immediately strided over, picking him up, and cradling him to his chest. He wiped at the blood on his head, concerned at how it wouldn't stop on it's own.

"It's alright, Prongslet. Mama..is sleeping. We're gonna go see Uncle Moony, alright?" Harry babbled and cried into his chest, squirming and wanting to get down.

Sirius, shaking, grabbed the biggest bag he could find and started stuffing things inside, keeping his eyes away from Lily. He stuffed an entire packet of diapers and blankets with whatever was in the crib as well. Then, he apparated them downstairs, mumbling soothing words at Harry who screamed at such an uncomfortable act.

He just didn't want to deal with seeing James again.

Bouncing Harry, shushing him, he stuffed everything he could find into the bag in the kitchen, glad for Lily's extending charm. The last thing he grabbed after shrinking it all was Harry's harness, where Harry was always carried around in since he was a fussy sleeper.

Strapping him in, he apparated one more time, to where he'd left his bike hidden, and getting on. Rather than flying, he just drove the muggle way, and kept trying to soothe him.

Thankfully Harry was used to the bike and he cried himself into exhaustion by the time they got to Remus' house. Parking behind a large bush, he charmed his bike to stay invisible, and moved to the door with shaking limbs. Keeping his jacket tight over Harry, casting another warming charm, he knocked.

He should have been ready for the reaction.

The truth was that they hadnt spoken in months. A part of him felt that yes, Remus was abandoning them, and the cause came with it. Inside though he knew that wasn't true. They'd just been busy, trying to live through a war, and managing relationships was at the end of the list. It still did sting, nonetheless, when he was accused of betraying them.

He didn't bother to get his wand out.

"I didn't," he choked out. "Please, Remus, believe me. Peter was the secret keeper, I'll do anything to prove it. It was my mistake-I don't expect forgiveness, not now."


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PostPosted: May 9th, 2017, 11:01 pm 

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Remus hesitated, hands shaking. It had been so long since they'd seen each other, and now, for Sirius to just show up like this... Tonight had been a very long night already and the last thing he needed was to have his ex-boyfriend show up at his door saying he hadn't killed their other three closest friends. Could he skip to the part where he either woke up or passed out? At the moment that seemed like a pretty nice option.

Whatever he would have found out by magic, it had always been his heart that had guided him in things. And while Sirius had certainly made some spectacular mistakes in the past, he'd never intentionally set out to hurt him. Or any of the other Marauders. So he might as well be the idiot that people generally expected of him. James always had said that someday Sirius would be the death of him... James, who was dead. Didn't that put a damper on the evening.

He pointed his wand at Sirius, hesitating a moment before choosing the occlumency spell over another more incapacitating one. It probably wasn't the most pleasant experience for Sirius, since he was a little too shaken to do it perfectly even if he'd been a master of the spell. But the truth came out, and that was what they had both wanted. Of course, that led to a whole new shitshow of emotions, but he was going to shove all of that into a box for now. Deal with it later. Sirius was innocent, and Peter had caused the deaths of two of his closest friends.

Logically, it made sense that they'd secretly switched things. Everyone had known Sirius was one of James' closest friends, and Remus as well. Peter had been a Marauder, everyone knew that, but evidently he'd been a different man than they'd thought. Sure, he'd been more of a hanger-on, but he'd never thought the younger capable of something like this. To willfully murder his best friends was something horrific. And he didn't like the thought of anyone they'd known being capable of doing that. Except maybe one or two Slytherins that had been truly awful.

"I will always make the wrong choice when it comes to you, Sirius Black," he finally confessed, holstering his wand. He was going to get himself killed. Literally. "Why are you here?" Since they evidently weren't going to be murdering each other in the next few moments, he just sounded exhausted. Two friends dead, one in front of him, one a traitor. It was all far too damn complicated. He had only looked enough to make sure that Sirius was telling the truth so he didn't know that the other man had Harry with him.



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PostPosted: May 9th, 2017, 11:36 pm 

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Sirius looked at Remus pleadingly, waiting for an answer. The spell wasn't said out loud but he felt it right away. Someone entering your mind, especially when emotional and brash, was not easy to ignore. Sirius had grown up pure blood and Occlumency wasn't a foreign subject.

That said, if any time at all that his shields would be down, it was now. Adding that he trusted Remus, the werewolf slipped easily into his mind. Guiding him to the memory of the day they decided to use the Fideluis Charm, Sirius being there when it was performed, and verifying it was working before Peter told him the code words.

When Remus pulled out of his head, Sirius sagged, and tried not to cry at having had his mistake come back vividly and bite him in the ass. Nonetheless, he waited, eyeing Remus when he holstered his wand.

His question made him sigh. "Because Peter is still out there. People are celebraring that Voldemort is gone but no one else is thinking about Harry. When Hagrid told me the news..I.." Sirius opened his jacket, looking down at the fuzzy messy hair peaking out of the pouch on his chest. "I went to get him."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 12:08 am 

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At least they were on the same page in believing that people should be worried about Harry instead of partying over someone's death. Now that there was this mess with Peter as well, that was just another thing that would cause them work. Once people came to their senses (and probably to quite a few hangovers) Remus just hoped that they'd be allowed to help out. Preferably without any of them being told what he was.

To be honest, the way Sirius looked did more to convince Remus than the occlumency had. No matter who they were talking to or what had happened, Sirius had never lied to him. He'd come close to getting himself killed, literally and figuratively, a million times. But Remus had always been able to count on honesty from him. Despite the fact that they hadn't spoken in forever, he was pretty sure that that was still the same.

Seeing Harry was startling. Upon realising who it was, Remus reared back a little, scrambling to fit all the parts into what he'd newly learned and totally failing. "He's all right?" he asked, voice shaking. It seemed like it, but it wasn't like he really knew anything about babies. Unless Harry was obviously dying or something, chances were he would have no idea anything was wrong.

"Come inside," he said after a second. He put his hand on Sirius' back once they were both inside, steering him toward the kitchen. "You need a drink." Not booze, since they were evidently going to be in charge of a baby. But he'd left the kettle simmering on the stove, so he made another cup of tea.

"You're his godfather, then. Are you going to keep him?" That was the important question. Either answer would lead to a host of new ones. People would have to be notified and things would have to be bought and Sirius would probably have to live somewhere elsewhere than wherever he was living now. Chances were he hadn't thought about any of that, either. Remus was well familiar with his brand of carelessness.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 12:27 am 

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The only thing Sirius had at his place, the small one bedroom flat he got after Lily and James officially got engaged and he moved out, were two toys and a small cot in case of emergencies, for Harry. He hadn't truly planned to need to take him in. None of them had.

They wouldn't be here at all, if that was the case.

That said, Sirius understood they lived in time of war, and saying yes to being godfather was actually a little more serious than just formalities. He just hoped he never had to step in the first place.

The question made him inspect Harry again. "He's got a cut on his head. Healing charm didn't work. You're better at them than I am. Other than that, just shook up." And asleep, still, for which he was grateful.

The offer made something in Sirius shake lose and he followed him in and to the kitchen without a word. He pulled out the more comfortable looking chair and sat down.

"S'my job ain't it?" He said, almost flippant, if it weren't for the pained red rimmed expression in his eyes.

He swallowed thickly, taking the cup when offered, and chugging half with no care for burning himself. He winced and let out a deep breath.

"Probably best to figure things out in the morning. " Not much they could do yet. Sirius pulled out and unshrunk the bag of his stuff. Then, went about unstrapping and releasing Harry. The baby fussed at being disturbed and he sat him up on the table to check him over.

"Got a good diagnostic spell? Could be a concussion." He cleaned the injury with magic. After three or four times, he used a dark magic cleansing spell, and the blood abruptly disappeared. Frowning, he pushed back his fringe, and looked at the scar.

"He fucking cursed him," he bit out. "He left a Dark scar."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 11:43 am 

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Remus nodded at the assessment of Harry's condition, frowning when he heard that a healing charm hadn't worked. Sirius had used them on him after full moons plenty of times so it Wasn't like he didn't know what he was doing. He'd have a lot more scars if it weren't for him.

He gave Sirius a Look at his attempt at joking. "You can't bullshit me," he reminded him. Even with the whole breakup thing and the stress they'd been under before splitting, he knew that. Sirius and he would always be able to read each other. Padfoot and the wolf understood each other too. Besides, Sirius looked horrible.

At the other man practically draining the cup, he raised an eye and flicked a cooling charm on the water still in the kettle so it would be at a more lukewarm than boiling temperature. Idiot was going to hurt himself. Again. Remus didn't want to have to babysit both of them but he also knew that he would in a heartbeat.

The recommendation of waiting until morning wasn't one that he should go along with, but he did. Honestly, who would want to deal with any of this in the middle of the night? Not that the situation would look better later. At least they could start to think about what happened next... or not, probably not. Remus had never particularly liked being in the middle of things unless it was Marauders business.

Seeing the bag of stuff surprised him. He hadn't thought Sirius would have that much forethought even without having to deal with finding their friends murdered. Remus was pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to himself in all honesty. But he took a second to look at what they had, relieved that they wouldn't have to try to do it themselves or, worse, go to a store and get something.

Nodding at the request for a diagnostic spell, he cast it on Harry. "No concussion but it's picking up something weird. I don't know. They're always wonky with babies." Until now that had never been a problem but this was Harry they were talking about. Better things were needed.

Of course, he was going to protest the use of dark magic on the kid, but then it worked and he snapped his mouth shut. "The fuck," he stated. Normal healing spells hadn't worked, and yet... Sirius should have known better, though.

He paled at Sirius' words, coming around the table to get a better look like that would help him prove Sirius wrong. The baby evidently didn't care what they had to say, gurgling under his breath and trying to grab at Remus' wand. When Remus moved it, he sniffed, giving him puppy eyes and a trembling bottom lip. Remus gave in instantly and picked him up, settling him on his hip and wondering what to do now.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 12:15 pm 

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Sirius just gave Remus a flat look. He knew he couldnt bullshit him, they had never really worked that way. But he was at the edge of mentally collapsing and jokes helped. Especially considering he had no choice but to keep it together till Harry was asleep for the night.

He had at least, been given babysitting duties a few times, so he wasn't unaware of what made Harry happy in simple terms. And having spent time at the house was enough of a picture as to what he should grab. That said, they would need to go back, and grab all of Harry's things, especially before any muggles looted the place. Or it rained, considering the hole in the nursery.

"Sure it's just that?" They were weird with babies but if done right they were at least 80-90% accurate. He didn't like that there was something wrong.

His own use of dark magic wasn't really new, despite his issues with his family, but he never used he worst of the lot unless he had to (Death Eater's deserved to die). And on Harry, he wasn't going to potentially hurt him, and knew what spells were dark but not harmful.

Tracing the lightning bolt scar, Sirius frowned, but let Remus grab him.

"That isn't from a torture curse," he said, relieved at that, "but it's as dark as you can get." He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to remember what he saw. "He must have tried to kill Harry and failed but..something stuck."

Craddling his head in his hand, Sirius rubbed his eyes.


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 1:33 pm 

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If the situation hadn't been so extremely inappropriate for such things, Remus would have almost considered a tired half smile at Sirius' look. Yeah, that was definitely his Padfoot, no matter what anything else might say to the contrary. It almost sort of felt good to see that look again even if they were both due for total mental breakdown by the end of the night.

At the moment, the thought of collecting the rest of Harry's things had not occurred to him. He was definitely going to try to avoid being there, though. It just wasn't something that he wanted to see. Though Sirius would probably insist that he did come along for moral support or something. They both knew Remus would give in to what he wanted any day of the week unless it was a very serious matter. Not that this whole thing wasn't, but still.

"Besides the horrific mental trauma, yeah, he's fine," he snapped, then instantly regretted it. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes like that could stop them from watering and heaved a shakey breath. "I'm sorry." Usually he wasn't one to apologise for yelling since it took serious emotional pressure to get him to a point where he would and the other person had had plenty of warning that they needed to back off or else. But tonight had thrown him totally out of whack. And Sirius didn't deserve that anyway.

When Sirius identified the scar as not being torture, he huffee out a sigh of relief. Needless to say, he wouldn't put anything past Voldemort. And nobody had any idea what had happened. It wasn't like there were any other witnesses or anything. Tonight was a mystery. Using Harry's memories would probably be the only way of truly figuring things out but Remus definitely wouldn't allow that if he had any kind of say in it. He doubted Sirius would like the idea either but he wasn't totally sure.

The news that there had been an attempt on Harry's life was unpleasant but expected. At least it hadn't worked, though of course they had no idea why it hadn't. But whether the boy had a Dark scar or not, Remus had faith that he waa going to grow up to be a good kid no matter what. Even if that was mostly bias speaking.

None of this was easy to deal with but at least Sirius wasn't on his own with it all. There was no way Remus was going to let him get away with trying to do that. Of course, he didn't have much to recommend him as a babysitter or anything, but Sirius knew how much he loved Harry even if they hadn't exactly been close lately. Some things just always made sense.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 4:50 pm 

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Sirius was coming out of shock himself truth be told. He hadnt been really thinking about anything but getting Harry and going somewhere safe. Whether Voldemort was truly dead or not, his followers certainly werent. With the fidelius charm broken and Oeter in the wind, there was no telling who would suddenly go to get revenge on Harry.

Of course that meant that he hadnt had the forthought to put any charms on the house to stop looting. Or even call any Aurors.

When Remus snapped at him, he didnt even flinch, and waved off his apology. "S'fine. I'm surprised either of us are this calm." Especially considering his own track record. He could feel it bubbling inside him though.

Sighing and sending everything perishable to the fridge with his wand from Harry's bag, Sirius eyed the both.

"I didnt call the Aurors. I probably should have. There's a hole in half of the nursery. And they're just.." He choked up, not ready to talk about Lily and James yet. "Where he left them."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 5:11 pm 

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Remus was, for once, glad that Sirius hadn't stopped to think about anything. Harry's safety was a priority for both of them, even before everything had happened. Now they were the only ones the kid had to rely on, which was honestly a semi terrifying thought. Never in any world would he consider himself to be an adequate caregiver, much less a parent. Of course he thought Sirius would be great at that, but then again, Sirius was great with everything.

"I'm too exhausted from the full moon to be dramatic," Remus admitted. "Give it a couple days and I'll probably have a spectacular loss of reason." Which was pretty true. For the first four or five days after the full moon, he had literally no energy and wouldn't really react to anything that happened. There was another day or two before he'd feel normal, but then it would all crash into him at once, he was sure. And he wasn't looking forward to that at all.

He just watched as Sirius moved some of the stuff into the fridge, not even bothering to ask what it was. "We can figure the Aurors out later. I don't think anyone's going to steal anything." At Sirius choking up, he swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to say. Of course, he didn't think of anything. Rather than trying to force the words out, he just leaned over and kissed the top of his head, not at all sure what to do. They were still kids, realistically, and it wasn't like this was something that normally happened.

"Bedroom's down the hall. Settle Harry in and I'll go call the Aurors." He didn't want to leave at all but he wasn't about to make Sirius deal with more tonight. Under normal conditions he would have already been in bed, truth be told, but it wasn't like he was going to sleep much tonight for a while.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 5:38 pm 

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They had all spoken about the possibility of them dying, but it hadn't been anything but just in case. He couldnt believe that he was grateful they had. Sirius himself was only 21. None of them truly had been prepared for parenthood but at least James and Lily had semi planned it.

He nodded, knowing all too well how the moon affected him. He didnt blame him for his reaction, especially after the enstrangement. It just seemed..crazy that any of this was happening.

Honestly it was a good thing there were two of them. Sirius had half a mind of holding himself up somewhere with Harry and never speaking to the rest of the world. Realistically however that wasnt prudent. Remus taking care of some things helped him not feel so overwhelmed.

"He managed a small smile at the kiss and squeezed Remus' arm. "Alright." That he could do. Harry was any easy kid. Taking him from Remus, he forced himself to smile, and took him and his bag to the bedroom.

"How about we get you cleaned up, eh Prongslet? Say bye to Uncle Moony.Tomorrow you can watch the telly he has. I'm sure that'll keep your attention." He'd only been around basic electricity from Sirius' muggle flat but not much else. It would probably be more magic than spells to him.

"'Bye Unca' Oony!" Harry parroted, druming his little fist against Sirius' arm. "Elly elly!!"

"Right. The telly. Very cool stuff."

In the room, Sirius tried to think of it as if he was just babysitting. Eventually they'd come pick him up in the morning. They were just taking a night for themselves. It was all ok.

He played around with Harry, cleaning him up, and changing his bloody clothes. Giving him his stuffed wolf (which elicited some squealing), Sirius settled him in the middle of the bed with pillows on each side. When he tried to turn off the light, Harry cried, so Sirius just took off his robes and settled in bed with him with the lamp light on.

"S'ok Prongslet," he murmured, giving him his hand to play with. "I won't leave."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 5:56 pm 

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Handing over Harry was easy, even if the boy whined and reached back for him for a second. The goodbye was adorable, and he waved back, making himself give the little boy a small smile. It wasn't like he knew why he was here, or why his uncles were feeling a bit off. Sirius' talking was audible from the kitchen, since it was a tiny flat, including Harry's eager responses. For a second he really wanted to stay, but he'd said he would be responsible, so off he'd have to go.

Remus stepped outside and then stopped for a second to figure out where on earth he was supposed to go. Ministry of Magic, he supposed. He apparated to the street outside, knowing better than to try to just pop up in the middle of the place. The phone booth took a second to deal with but then he was able to get in.

Evidently nobody had thought to set up any sort of barricade around the house yet, which just annoyed him. Did they think it was okay to just leave the place open like that? Sure, the muggles couldn't get into it, or so they said. But it was just disrespectful. And when he brought up Harry, he was interrupted before mentioning that they had him safe at his flat, so he let them all start running around panicking.

As far as he was concerned, they deserved it for being assholes. He let himself out and decided not to go back home just yet. If ever he could justify taking a bit out for himself, this was it. There was a bit of fumbling with the muggle money but he was done with his shopping trip in about five minutes. Plus the booze was very necessary for what they were going to be facing. Stopping in for a coffee was completely unnecessary, but he needed something and knew better to try to drink anything stronger before he got home.

Finally he got back home, unlocking the door with a quiet 'alohomora' and stepping inside. Since he wasn't sure if Harry was asleep or not, he came in quietly, setting the bottle of booze in the pantry rather than leaving it out. Last thing they needed was the little one getting into that somehow. Remus honestly wouldn't put anything past him as he was James' kid. And Lily had been no slouch either, might as well have been a Marauder herself. There were a lot more past tenses in that train of thought than he'd ever really expected.

Sitting down abruptly, Remus buried his face in his hands. Oh god, what were they going to do now? Take care of Harry? They had to, no matter whether Sirius had been trying to joke about that earlier or not. No way would either of them ever give him up to some stranger to raise. Lily had had family, he knew that, but they were all muggles. While he didn't have pureblood prejudices, he honestly wasn't sure that a muggle family would know how to raise a kid like Harry. The boy would likely grow up to be a powerful wizard. But that didn't matter as long as he was happy growing up.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 6:24 pm 

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It took a lot longer than he liked to get Harry asleep. He woke up crying twice in a few minutes, reaching out for him. And the final time he insisted on laying on his chest rather than the bed. There was nothing else to do but give in at a time like this so Sirius draped his blanket over him.

He barely noticed the time passing considering but he managed to cast a tempus once Harry was finally asleep. He worried slightly that Remus was taking long but figured he'd wait a little bit before freaking out once again.

How he managed to fall asleep he didn't know but he did. One hand over Harry's back just in case and the other wrapped around his wand. He didn't notice when Remus came in the house although he was by no means sleeping deeply.


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 6:57 pm 

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Remus sat at the table for a good half hour before finally getting up. He nudged his shoes off under the kitchen table, adding to the list of things he'd have to do tomorrow. But there was going to be enough problems so he could just leave it all for then. Tonight he just really wanted to go to bed. Except for the fact that he'd given his bed to Harry and Sirius. Well, he might have a spare blanket in the closet.

He tried to be as quiet as he could, which was petty quiet considering that he was naturally silent. The couch was nowhere near comfortably enough to sleep on so he'd have to nest under the table or something. It was far from the ideal setup but it wasn't like he had ever planned to have another person here. Even for visiting, really, since he was far from the most social of creatures. Especially after everything that had happened with Sirius.

Opening the closet was really the first sound he made, but he just grabbed the two blankets folded on the top shelf and his sweater before closing it. He wasn't sure if he'd woken Sirius up or not, but decided that he should keep quiet. Slipping his sweater on and zipping it up, he decided not to sleep under the table and instead sat down in the corner of the room where he could see Sirius and Harry from. It was from the first time he'd slept like that somewhere, though usually it had been a full moon night or something equally bad.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 7:22 pm 

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Sirius woke up after two hours to the sound of Harry whimpering. He sat up, making sure to cradle him, and bounced him a few times till he calmed down again. This time he made sure to put him on the bed, his arm half asleep from the position he'd been in.

Once he was sure he wouldn't wake up, he casted a spell to tell him if he was waking, and left the room quietly. He immediately spotted Remus, sighing at seeing him on the floor. Ducking into the bathroom, he washed his face and mouth, before heading to the living room.

"Guarding the door, are you?" He said quietly, giving him a knowing look. Not waiting for a response, he sat down next to him, sitting cross legged, and bumping their shoulders. "Aurors went OK?"


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 8:08 pm 

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Remus just about passed out as soon as he sat down. Harry's noises were enough to wake him up a little, but not all the way. Sirius moving around did, though, and he startled awake, rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes as he sat up a little more. Once he saw that it was just his friend, he snuggled back into the corner a bit, wincing as he moved the wrong way. He probably wasn't supposed to be hurting this much as a kid.

He kept an ear out for whatever Sirius was doing, tracking him by sound since he'd closed his eyes again. The sigh was not a surprise, though he wasn't sure why the other man went into the bathroom. When Sirius sat down next to him, he opened his eyes again, shifting so he was facing him more. Seemed like that habit would never go away. The question made him snort under his breath, but he didn't really answer it. It wasn't like anything he said would be a surprise to either one of them.

"Aurors went all right. Soon as I mentioned Harry they all started panicking. Guess they all forgot he existed until I reminded them about it. They didn't give me time to tell them that he was safe so they're probably all still freaking out. Not like they don't deserve it for not looking out for him. I got booze on the way home."

For a second he considered staying where he was, but then he scooted over a couple inches and curled up with his knees and shoulder pressed up against Sirius. He was still a little pale from the full moon, and dealing with everyone looking at him sideways when he'd gone to the Ministry hadn't helped his mood. They'd always cuddled a lot after full moons, since Remus had always needed it without fail. And it had been hard recently to have to deal with them on his own. It didn't help that he knew his mother was worried about him.

"I think it's starting to hit me," he mentioned quietly, blinking rapidly to try to keep the tears back. "They're dead. And we gotta take care of Harry, and make sure he's happy and safe and..." He made himself shut up then, chewing on the inside of his cheek.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 8:50 pm 

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Sirius snorted at his answer. "Reckon we can have it before he wakes up again? They probably think that Death Eaters kidnapped him by now. I'm surprised Dumbledore hasn't come knocking on your door. As far as I know, he wasn't told we changed things to Peter." Then again, one thing was trusting him as a leader of the Order, and another is to know their private business. The less people who knew about the secret keeper the safer it was meant to be.

When Remus scooted over, Sirius felt a little bit of relief, because he wasn't sure if everything between them was irreparable. He didn't hesitate to put his arm over his shoulders and pulled him so he was almost draped over his lap.

The sudden water works wasn't surprising since he felt like he'd break at any moment himself. Squeezing his own eyes shut, he felt tears well up and tried to keep them down.

"Hey-hey, come on. If James managed so far, we can, right?" He tried to joke but it probably fell flat. He had no idea how they managed really. Especially so young.

Sirius sniffled. "Fuck," he bit out, when tears forced their way out. "I don't know how we'll do this but we have to." There was literally no other option. Leaving Harry to anyone else at all was not an option. "Voldemort's gone but his followers aren't. P-peter-." He took a deep breath and let out a shuddering sound as he cried. "Peter is still out there too. He just-he can't get away with this."

His jaw tightened and he fisted Remus' sweater. Merlin. "I want him dead or at least in Azkaban for the rest of his life."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 9:26 pm 

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"Yeah, probably," Remus said, honestly not sure if the other man was joking or not. But it wouldn't matter either way. He really wouldn't be entirely against a little bit of drinking himself. This was all a whole lot to take in, and he wasn't at all sure what there would be to say anyway. There was a reason he'd stopped by the store on his way home after all.

When Sirius put his arm over him, Remus snuggled into him even more, grabbing a handful of his shirt. It wasn't exactly cold in his flat but it kind of seemed like it right now. Mostly because he had been lonely and was currently traumatised. He would have dealt with a lot more before their relationship crashed, even if he had assumed that Sirius had broken up with him.

He wasn't exactly sure what to say in answer to Sirius referencing James. Their friend had, after all, ended up getting himself killed. "Of course we're gonna make it. Harry's gonna grow up to be the best kid." Remus believed that wholeheartedly. No matter where the boy was raised, or who with, he was going to turn out okay. That was just how it was going to work out.

"Course we have to," he agreed. "Harry's ours now. We can't give him to anyone. Kid's family. Nobody else is going to be able to take care of him the right way." Besides, who were they supposed to give him to? Dumbledore? Whatever relatives Lily had? Remus was not allowing that to happen under any circumstances. After all, he hadn't been a Marauder for no reason.

For a second he wasn't sure how to react to Sirius crying, but then he awkwardly put an arm around his shoulders and sniffed back his own tears. "We're gonna get him. Harry's gotta come first, no matter what, but we're gonna make sure he doesn't get away with this." But right now they were two kids crying on the floor of a living room trying to find out what they were supposed to do with the rest of their lives now that they were dads. Because clearly Remus was not going to let Sirius do this on his own no matter what.



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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 10:21 pm 

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It was easy to take affection from Remus. Sirius was highly affectionate, always craving touch and acceptance. And in a time like this he would take whatever he could get but Remus was especially important to him.

Sirius nodded in agreement, despite his crying. Remus agreeing with him about Harry helped fuel his conviction to be responsible for him. Even if he had to do it alone. With Remus around, though, it would be so much easier. Even if they weren't together romantically.

He knew Remus felt just as he did about Peter. They had all been close, despite Peter looking up to James. He'd become an animagus, kept Remus' secret, and was one of them. The betrayal was hard to swallow.

"I just don't get it. We didn't even plan to make him the secret keeper till last week. Till I mentioned we should. Was he..was he a spy all along? Was it Imperius? Fuck. It's all my fault." His shook his head, tears burning his cheek. Sirius pressed his face into Remus' hair and breathed unevenly. "I should have never suggested it. I could have protected them."


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PostPosted: May 10th, 2017, 10:48 pm 

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Remus had honestly never expected Sirius to be so affectionate, either on the giving or receiving side. But he'd quickly realised what the other man was really like, and there had been no going back since then. After all, they were both attention whores, they just went about getting that attention in different ways. He definitely wasn't going to doubt that Harry would be one of the most-loved kids in the world. Even though he had faith that Sirius could manage this all on his own, he definitely wasn't going to ask him to. Why would he?

"No," he insisted, rearing back a little and cupping Sirius' cheek. "You are not in any way responsible. We all trusted Peter. His actions were his. Not yours. This isn't something that you can blame yourself for." But he had no doubt that Sirius would, in fact, do just that. Sometimes Remus was pretty sure the other man would blame himself for things that happened halfway across the world.

"You're innocent in all this," he insisted. "And we're going to help them find Peter and make sure he pays for what he did. But we're going to put Harry first, and he's going to love you. Who wouldn't want you for a dad, huh? Especially when he gets old enough to want a dog." He was going to start bawling any moment now himself if Sirius kept crying and acting like this.



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PostPosted: May 11th, 2017, 2:54 pm 

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He was surprised by the vehemence in his voice, blinking when his face was cupped, lost in is own guilt. "I told them to make him the secret keeper. It should have been me. I should have known," he insisted. There was no way he wouldn't feel guilty about this. Harry's parents were dead, his family was dead, because of something he suggested.

His insistence made Sirius look away, wanting to argue. The second part of his comment, though, made him let out a watery laugh. He had the same plans to begin with, as godfather and uncle, and the thought of being a dad was ridiculous. He was the least responsible one out of them all.

"He loves Padfoot already," he conceded, resting his forehead on Remus' and reaching up to scratch behind his ear. Sighing, he closed his eyes. "We're really gonna do this. You..you won't leave me?" He forced himself not to open his eyes, nor wanting to see his expression in case it was bad.


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PostPosted: May 11th, 2017, 6:20 pm 

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"Nobody expected Peter to be the Secret Keeper. They all would have thought it was you. It would have been safer for him to be the one if he hadn't turned out to be..." Remus didn't want to really want to finish that thought truth be told. All of this was going to be hard enough without dragging other drama into things. "We were lucky you weren't imperiused or anything. Everyone knew how close you and James were."

He smiled a little at Sirius laughing, glad to get any sort of positive reaction out of him. The rest of this was going to be bad enough. Everyone was going to be against a werewolf being anywhere near Harry, and probably protest it being two guys. Fuck them. Remus loved Harry more than any of them had ever loved anyone. Sirius wasn't exactly hard to deal with either.

"See?" he said when Harry liking Padfoot. "You've got this parenting thing in the bag." And he really did believe that Sirius would make a great dad. Even though he'd come from a horrible family. Or maybe because of that.

"I wouldn't leave you for the world. Before... I just... I shouldn't have. I know that. Knew it then too. You, and Harry, you're too important to walk away from again." He huffed out a breath and briefly pecked him on the lips. "You've always been my star."



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PostPosted: May 11th, 2017, 10:39 pm 

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"That was why we did it," he said, sighing and shaking his head. Which was ironic. If it wasn't such a crap situation, he might have been able to find it funny. Instead, he tried not to start crying again.

"I suppose that's one way to look at it." Not that he was but he appreciated that Remus was trying to be positive. One of them had to be at least a little rational. He rolled his eyes at his confidence, though.

"I don't know if that has anything to do with being a parent, Moony." He made a great uncle and godfather, but he didn't think he'd make much of a father. Remus probably would be better at it. Or just anyone else, really.

The sentiment went a long way to ease his pain, to be honest. When he found out that James and Lily were dead, and Peter a traitor, he hadn't been sure (doubted considerably in fact) that Remus would still be there after they became estranged.

He managed a tiny smile, mostly just relieved to hear it so plainly. He didn't expect miracles, or even forgiveness, but he hoped for something. He was pretty sure if they were older he'd want to marry Remus which said plenty about his feelings.

Running his hand through the other's hair, Sirius kissed him again. "Love you, you sap. I've missed you so much." He pecked his lips playfully a few times back to back.


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PostPosted: May 11th, 2017, 11:15 pm 

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If it hadn't been so personal, they would probably be joking about it right now. If they'd just been out to the movies for a night or something and seen it as some kind of plot device, he knew for a fact that they would have laughed over it. But this was far too close to home for him to think of it as anything but traumatic.

"The way you should be looking at it," he insisted. Chances were Sirius was nowhere close to being able to look at things rationally, but someday. Or so he hoped, because he really didn't want Sirius to be hating himself over this for a while, likely though that was.

"Sure, it has something to do with it, somehow." Remus had no idea how. But it was probably possible somehow. "You love Harry more than just about anything, Sirius, that counts for a lot. The rest of it will fall into place somehow." Maybe or maybe not.

Honestly, he would have totally understood the other man's reluctance to believe that he was going to stick around this time. After all, it was probably his fault somehow that things had fallen apart the first time. In that way he was sort of like Sirius. But at least he could rationalise plenty of things and convince himself that he wasn't responsible. Sirius just tended to overreact and everything.

Of course, when Sirius kissed him, his breath hitched a little. That was same as always. "Yeah. I missed you too." He kissed him back a couple times, being a little sloppy with it all. He hadn't really kissed anyone since he'd broken up with Sirius. Remus dropped his other hand to Sirius' hip, relieved beyond words that they were evidently going to be trying to fix all this.



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